Recently, I sat on a panel where singles could ask questions on any subject. Nothing was off limits. I jotted down some of the questions and thought it might be helpful to share them along with the responses.
How do you deal with loneliness as a single adult?
I once heard the statement: The idea is to create such a great single life that you wouldn’t dare let anything less than God’s best pry you away from it. I fill my life with things I like to do. I don’t put my life on hold until the “right one” comes along. Treat yourself once a week to something special; conquer another dream once a year; find friends who have the same interests; develop a hobby. The worst thing you can do is to sit around moping about how lonely you are. Be proactive. If I find myself on a Friday night with loneliness tugging at my sleeve, I shake it off and go do something I enjoy.
Do you ever worry you’ve been single too long, and even if a relationship came your way you somehow couldn’t make it work? I have imagined the scenario of finding someone now after I’ve been single for soooo long. Will I be able to compromise? Will I want to give up my freedom? How can our two lives mesh when we’ve established a routine? I figured if God brought the man, then He’d help us acclimate. I’m not going to worry about something that hasn’t happened.
How do you meet potential dates? Bars, coffee shops, online?
The shooting range. Just kidding. I don’t go in search for potential dates. How rich would life be if we were constantly on the lookout for God instead of Mr. Right? Make a list of who you are looking for in a spouse or friend. Be specific and be picky. If it’s God’s plan, the right one will come along. You won’t have to force it.
If one of the pitfalls of modern life is being too busy, then as a single who is able to devote your time to anything you want, how do you stay busy with the right things? Or rather, what are the time priorities that are the most important, and how do you make them important?
Filling my life with the right things is similar to filling all the compartments on a TV dinner. Each compartment makes the meal balanced – meat, vegetable, starch, fruit, dessert. What 5 areas of your life should be the focus? If something arises that doesn’t fit in one of those compartments, trade it for something that does. Check your tray frequently to make sure that you’re not overloading in one area and the others are neglected.
If you could say one thing you’ve learned from your life so far to the next generation, what would you say?
Don’t wait to do what you want to do. Don’t let the fear of failure or the unknown stop you. Those years of singleness provide an incredible and unique opportunity to be devoted to Christ and His kingdom in a way that married men and women simply do not have the freedom to pursue. You have the ability to do ANYTHING you want. Go pursue your dreams.
How has God used this season uniquely in your life for you to serve Him or for you to grow?
My season of singleness has made me become much more dependent on God. I truly have to consider Christ my husband. I even talk to Him that way sometimes, “Jesus, I don’t have the money to pay for this car repair. You’re my husband and are supposed to take care of me so I need you to figure it out and provide for the repair.”
I struggle with my identity in Christ/being whole in Christ as a single. What should I do?
We must embrace the truth of who God says we are. Jesus was single. He understands where we’re walking. Our identity does not reside in a marriage license. God has set us apart, not aside. We are uniquely and wonderfully made. We are completely and unconditionally loved. He delights in us. The truth is every human being has deep inner longings that will never be fulfilled this side of heaven.
How do you deal with having to do everything yourself from car repair, home maintenance, paying bills, etc? Singles have a different type of time commitment since we don’t have to attend children’s activities or make time for a spouse. But unfortunately the extra space is taken up with handling all of the duties and tasks. It gets very tiring making all the decisions, handling the repairs, figuring out the expenses and so much more. This is when we must really rely on Christ and pray for wisdom and discernment as we take care of all these tasks. On my own, I mess up a lot. But when I entrust it to God, He gives me clarity and strength.
What types of friends should I look for?
Search for friends with the same goals and values. The purpose of friendship is to point you toward God and help you grow closer in a relationship with Him. You need friends who will build you up and encourage you. Don’t spend your valuable time with anyone who makes you feel defeated or deflated.
As you can see by the responses, the answer to any problem or struggle is more of Jesus. Whether you are single or married, your world should revolve with God at the center and everything else will fall into place.
About Shelley Pulliam
Howdy! (A girl from Oklahoma has to use this as her greeting) I’m Shelley Pulliam, executive director of Arise Ministries and former teacher of hormone-filled 8th graders. But my real claim to fame rests in my award as second grade spelling bee champ and my recent gun-handling skills as I train to competition shoot. It helps me be on guard when Satan comes knocking. I’m a voracious reader and can frequently be found at the theater enjoying movie marathons where my record stands at six in one day. I’m a single, never married, who loves to pour into children at every opportunity. Let me know if you have any for sale. You can connect with me on social media. https://www.instagram.com/shelleypulliam/