If It Hurts, It Teaches
I don’t think there’s any worse pain for a single mom than when her child is hurting. At Arise, the number one question we get from new single moms is, “Are my kids going to be okay?” Single moms love their kids fiercely and often carry around guilt and shame, wishing they could do something to take away any pain that they experience. But if you aren’t careful, it can consume you and emotionally cripple you in horribly unhealthy ways.
But even though we want our babies to never experience pain, the fact is, when we look at scripture, we see pages and pages of God’s people experiencing horrible circumstances. And yet, God used that pain to teach them and grow them into people they never would have been otherwise.
I heard one of my favorite Bible teachers word it this way: If it hurts, it teaches. Single mom, I encourage you to stop obsessing over your child’s pain and instead focus on showing them these three truths:
1. God never wastes your child’s pain.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).
God loves your children more then you ever could. He can take all the yuck in their lives and use it for their good—to teach them incredible things about him and draw them close to him. Even if at first it seems like they’re pulling away, be patient and pray. God is good and worthy of our trust in this area. Even if it takes time, he will draw those who are his children back to himself. No pain, no person, and no circumstance can stop an almighty God from getting to his children.
2. Your child’s pain teaches them (and us!) about who they are and how good God is. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).
When I think about so many strong people in my life, they have one thing in common: they had painful experiences in their past. Even when it’s hard to see, God is teaching your child perseverance through the pain. He’s using these circumstances in life to grow them into the people that they will be. And we can consider it joy because we get a front row seat to seeing what only God can do.
3. Your child’s pain is part of their story that can bring God glory.
As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ ‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned,’ said Jesus, ‘but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him’” (John 9:1-3).
Our lives were meant to be great stories for Christ. Easy lives don’t make great stories. The hardships your children encounter become a part of their story. And as they get older, they can use that pain to comfort others and point them to Christ.
Some of you might be reading that verse and thinking your children are experiencing pain because of your bad choices. I wish I could sit across a table with you right now and hold your hand as I look in your eyes and tell you that God can shine through, even in your mistakes. You do not need to live in shame. Get yourself the help you need to stop making bad choices. Get your child the help they need to process what they’ve been through. Then, momma, hold your head high and face tomorrow knowing that God teaches and grows your child through their pain.
