You Need To Stop

“So, when are you going to stop?”
I looked up from my tear-stained tissues.
“Stop what?” I said, through the sniffles.

My sweet counselor who has helped me go through so many things, put her notes to the side, leaned over slowly, and said words that I never thought I would hear.
“When are you going to stop blaming the divorce for every little heartache that your kids endure?”

It had been a long week emotionally for me. It was one of those weeks where you feel the pressure in your chest and the worries won’t seem to stop. It was the first few weeks of the kids going back and forth between my place and their dad’s. I hated it. I hated the empty house. I hated the comments I had received when random people asked where my kids were. I hated making them pack up and walk out the door. I felt so helpless that this life event that wasn’t their fault was causing them to have to adapt and change.

Suddenly, every sad moment or small irritation they endured seemed to scream at me the false narrative that they were being destroyed. That their lives were now ruined. That no more moments of joy would happen to them. I felt this deep in my soul and with every breath I took. It was crippling.

And you know what? My counselor was right. It was time to stop.

Our kids are going to go through difficult times regardless of what kind of family unit they grow up in. Goodness, when I think back on my life, I went through so many even with a two-parent household. And what did those events do? They shaped me. They molded me. They made me into the woman that I am today. And even though some of those events were painful and required counseling to work through, God has used every single one of them.

And you know what, single mom? God will use whatever circumstances led you to being in this position to work in your kids. He will grow them. He will change them. He will draw them to himself.

And yet, so often we find ourselves wallowing in shame, blame, and guilt. Stop. Lift your head. If you have something you need to repent of to God and to your kids, then do it. But stand up and move on. Focus on being the best stable adult that they need.

Please stop blaming your circumstance for every hard thing they face. Even when they do have moments where circumstances hurt, remember that these promises are still the same. I would encourage you to insert your child’s name into each of these verses as you read them.

• Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is near to (your child), the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

• John 16:33: “In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

• 1 Peter 5:7: “Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.”

• Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

And they are the same for you too, mama. Now lift your head and follow God one day at a time. It is not too late for him to give you and your kids a life that glorifies him (and that’s the best adventure to be on)!